Already gone

I've only cryed myself to sleep once before last night.. And both times left me feeling the same. Depressed and numb.

I woke up feeling the same as well. I was going to go to church but I didn't go. Felt like being alone......

Do I do it to myself..? Do I set up myself for heart break..? I'd like to think not but I guess so. I just know I'm done with it.

I have a goal in life. I finally have a reason. And for now Im gona keep my eyes on the price, fuck relationships. No dating, no flirting. No heartbreak. Thats how its gonna be for now on, till I decide people wont just fuck me over or something will turn out for nothing.

But this is part of learning. Falling is i mean...and now Im getting back up but never again. I tryed so hard and yet so far but in the end it doesnt even matter. I had to fall to lose it all but in the end it doesnt even matter. Listen to it on my little ipod thing. Its exactly how I feel right now.

I guess some things in life are just too damn over rated. >.< I knew this. But knowing me I tryed anyway...and just like normal got slapped in the face for it. So I'm already gone. That's another song on there that I want you to listen too. Its also how I feel.

My birthday is tomorrow...and it feels like its just going to be like any other day to me. I don't want to celebrate or anything. I mean seriously why celebrate hope when she doesn't even know what hope means. Its foreign as far as I'm concerned.

I did want a few things. Of which I no longer want.

You know what I want..? I want to be stuck ALONE in a dark room for ever. That's what I want. Nothing else seems comforting as much as that does.

You know 16 years ago...I would of never pictured my life like this. As a kid...I was sooo happy. I had no fucking depression or anything like that. Everything was great, the world was a good place.......

Now its hell and I just wish it would end....I mean I never signed up for this.

Happy 16 birthday hope. Pft...

(listen on my ipod broken inside.)Its my song.