I hate this

I hate this!!!

Its the one stupid thing I'm good at..and I cant fucking do it.

I CANT DRAW LIKE EVERYONE THINKS I CAN. IM NOT A FREAKIN GOD LIKE THEY SEEM TO THINK I AM. AND I CANT DRAW EVER FUCKING THING THEY WANT. T.T

Trying to draw stuff that I know is out of my league is depressing and hurtful.. like a slap to the face,....a fucking reminder that you fucking suck and can only do so much..

I draw to help ease my mind, to make others smile, and to feel accomplished and worthy of something.....

And when I cant do that..it fucking hurts deep. Like a dagger to the back...and you just keep getting stabbed. >.<>.<

So dont ask of me to do it....cause now look...Ive dissapointed my uncle and grandparents and people I dont even fucking know!!!!!!!

And most of all..............

I dissapointed myself.

I really thought maybe I could...and I couldn't and they still ask of me to try again.

I don't want to try again....what is this a sick fucking joke, hope you've failed and we want you to try again to watch you fail FOR A FUCKING THIRD TIME.

O.O
SO MUCH FOR THIRDS A FUCKING CHARM.

T.T

I feel so depressed...I'm so mad I'm freakin crying!! GAH!!! X[

I hate this...

Normal day in the life of....hopeless fucking hope

Forgive me that its been such a long time I post. Its just cause its summer. >.<

***

It's the same as always..

Nothing ever changes here. Things seem to get better, but..they never do. There always the same old fights. The same old yelling the same old pain...and emptiness..

It eats away at this broken family...

I'm sick of hearing "I'm done." Because no one is ever really done! Not when your blood. You'll always be attached and you'll always have to deal with them...because in reality you cant just be done.

Let me tell you...How fucking sick I AM and how DONE I am.

I'm so irritated at this damn life of mine.

Why cant I ever have it "good."

I'm sick of stupid fucking people complaining over life over STUPID THINGS!!!!!!!!!!! Who actually have it good and take it for granted...!! Who have had a good life always, never had a TRULY bad thing happen to THEM.

I hate it..hate I have to hear others complain..when I cant..because mine is actually something that eats away at me each day....it makes me sick to my stomach that people have become so dense and selfish..I would love to have a good easy life.

My life from day ONE has been rocky and no smooth sailing..I just cant seem to understand or comprehend why I CANT EVER BE HAPPY......?????????????????????

When is it my time to be fine, to smile more than I ever have. To laugh and really be happy. To cry because its something joyous or amazing...not sad.......its always sad.....

***

Its amusing to me how things and even people are never truly as they seem.

We look like a happy normal family with of course some stupid drama, but nothing out of the ordinary..nothing really bad...

Or.....so you would think.

I'm not dumb and I know everyone goes through life..and something "bad happens"....but what is the definition of bad..?

There's different types of bad things and to be point blank..there's some that ARE worse than others..

I don't like to complain..but I ...just wonder and feel terrible...that I my family for some damn reason can never be happy or normal..

All I want in this life.....is a happy normal life.

I want to be HAPPY..not having to fake a smile or a laugh I want to feel what Ive never felt in my life....

Being normal...

I want me and my family to finally get what we deserve...true happiness.

why cant we have true happiness.. *crys*