Goodbyes

This is the last time I will ever write about her..and how I loved her. Once I post this I will loose all ties from you and finally we both will move on for good...

I love you. I know in my heart that you will always have a place there, but if you can't love me than I must let you go. Because I am not a dog to be dragged around.(I'm not saying she treated me like a dog, lol, just an example)You'll always be my best friend. I won't regret ever loving you, because it was nice..for a change.
It was nice to know that someone thought of me everyday. It was nice hearing her sweet voice whispering, "I love you". It was nice to be treated like I wasn't just another person in the world but the person in the world she choose to care about. I'm honored.... and grateful. We both changed each other in many ways. I found out and saw sides of me not even I had seen.

OUR STORY
Some think it wasn't love, maybe lust but it wasn't that at all. When I talked to her my intentions where all but good. I wanted to help her through her depression because I had just gotten out of mine. And the more we talked, the more I found we where so much alike..Which made me want to help her more.

She fell in love with me, and I told her I couldn't do that because I am straight. She was depressed and sad. And though I didn't feel the same she stayed with me..and she grew out of love with me just as I.....fell in love with her...
And I..was way too late.

There was still alittle dot of hope left. I tryed my hardest. I did anything she said, and I made sure if there was an argument she would win. I never got in her business because I knew if I heard I would just get jealous though when she wanted to talk about it I listened because it was helping her even if it was hurting me.

I could feel nothing happening..and each day I was getting worse. Falling in a dip hole i couldn't dig out...
I told her it was killing me, I couldn't do it she needed to make up her mind because before she was confused and couldn't decide. I couldn't handle it..and yesterday I told her...you must do something...even if it means hurting me..because to be honest I can hardly feel anything...Numb is what it's called...yes numb..such a lovely word...

Anyway, I told her the only way for me to move on is if she shattered the only hope I had left. (Hope...god Why THE FUCK would you ever name a person such a fucking hideous name. I hate it.. I am the least hopeful person and of course I was given that name. I bring such disgrace to it, it's disgusting) I told her she had to say she didn't love me and.....there was no hope at all...She couldn't say it she wouldn't...I begged her too..and finally after alittle crying I said I'll make this fare you tell me 5 good reasons we should be together or 5 reasons there's hope.....
and...

She couldn't think of any... so she said it.."hope, I do not love you, and there is no hope." I held in the tears, and said it's okay. I told her we shouldn't talk.
We said our byes.

And as I hang up I said the one thing I'll miss the most from her saying........


I love you.

I love you too.....Aisuru-chan. T_T