Damn teenage boys Xp

Aren't men such a joy...? NOT. >.<>.<

Well just felt like ranting about Sanyu and Beaver.mwhaaahahaaa.

Repeating myself

I've said this before and I'll say it again...theres a good and a bad to having friends on my blog. Good cause they can see the real me and maybe understand something...bad because I'm limited to what I may say.

I hate not being able to write exactly what I'm thinking cause I don't want my friends to see.

It's very irritating because this is how I vent...it's how I get out what I can not say to anyone else.
And now..even here where I should be able to say finally how I feel....once again I cant. It's very annoying.

I'm not mad..just I may do something so that I may write again without having to be limited to what I say. It's not personal, but Its what I may have to do.

>.<

***

Also, I wont have internet till Wednesday so, i won't be able to blog till then. Soooo until next time. =] see ya.

Sagi-shi

Palm tree's....

Never thought I'd miss them so much. Thinking of them makes me smile, and shake. They've been on my mind for awhile now..but Didnt think it'd matter, or anything would come out of thinking of the damn things. lol

I think they'd have to be my favorite tree. Lol. Maybe one day when I have my own house I'll plant one In my back yard. That would be very amusing. =]]

***

I feel such like a Sagi-shi!!!!!!!!!

I know I'm not, I haven't broken any rules, or done anything wrong and yet I feel I have. I feel kinda....warui.

>.<
It's almost like a second chance.

I like that. Though am I making the right one...

its worth it...I cant...I wont let kanojo no iku.

Normal day in the life of....hopeless fucking hope

Forgive me that its been such a long time I post. Its just cause its summer. >.<

***

It's the same as always..

Nothing ever changes here. Things seem to get better, but..they never do. There always the same old fights. The same old yelling the same old pain...and emptiness..

It eats away at this broken family...

I'm sick of hearing "I'm done." Because no one is ever really done! Not when your blood. You'll always be attached and you'll always have to deal with them...because in reality you cant just be done.

Let me tell you...How fucking sick I AM and how DONE I am.

I'm so irritated at this damn life of mine.

Why cant I ever have it "good."

I'm sick of stupid fucking people complaining over life over STUPID THINGS!!!!!!!!!!! Who actually have it good and take it for granted...!! Who have had a good life always, never had a TRULY bad thing happen to THEM.

I hate it..hate I have to hear others complain..when I cant..because mine is actually something that eats away at me each day....it makes me sick to my stomach that people have become so dense and selfish..I would love to have a good easy life.

My life from day ONE has been rocky and no smooth sailing..I just cant seem to understand or comprehend why I CANT EVER BE HAPPY......?????????????????????

When is it my time to be fine, to smile more than I ever have. To laugh and really be happy. To cry because its something joyous or amazing...not sad.......its always sad.....

***

Its amusing to me how things and even people are never truly as they seem.

We look like a happy normal family with of course some stupid drama, but nothing out of the ordinary..nothing really bad...

Or.....so you would think.

I'm not dumb and I know everyone goes through life..and something "bad happens"....but what is the definition of bad..?

There's different types of bad things and to be point blank..there's some that ARE worse than others..

I don't like to complain..but I ...just wonder and feel terrible...that I my family for some damn reason can never be happy or normal..

All I want in this life.....is a happy normal life.

I want to be HAPPY..not having to fake a smile or a laugh I want to feel what Ive never felt in my life....

Being normal...

I want me and my family to finally get what we deserve...true happiness.

why cant we have true happiness.. *crys*

wedding dress

I want that dress for my wedding or something close to it. It's sooo pretty. XD

(random)

=D

Sanyu2, bi-polar, and more surgery yaa..not

Each day grows better and better.

I like being unattached and not calling ourselves anything..but know its still there.

It's nice. There's no expectations, or limits. It's just us, and no names or brands like boyfriends and girlfriend. or couple.

I like it when it's like this. Theres no need to fear break ups because theres nothing to break off. Everything is free to be itself. whatever it maybe.

And I love that. Love talking with him.

***

Friday is my examination thing. There going to make sure they have th right diagnose's on me. They said it was major depression and now they're checking for bi-polar too...This will be the second time for this test, except Im older (still not old enough) and its with a new person giving me the test some where else. >.<

Kinda scary..my last dude freaked me out man. He was....idk..a creeper...>.<

Anyway so thats friday, NEXT.....lol

***

Tuesday, is my oral surgery.

You know im sick of surgery. THIS is the SECOND damn time they'll be putting me under in a year. >.<

Anyway, It's for my wisdom teeth. There not hurting me or anything...but were just gonna get em out in case. Lol. =]]

Soooo fun fun right..? Yep...

I'll be put on recovery for 2 weeks. whoohooo. =D

ICE CREAM HERE I COME. XDD

You should be jealous.......okay maybe not. lol