Live alittle part2

Live alittle

Soooo I'm updating my myspace because I hadn't been on in years, and I was putting up funny quotes, and thought, OMG I should put them on my fucking blog. =P

SOooo If your having a shitty day Come look at these and they should make you smile, hell maybe laugh. Love ya all. ^-^

Happy Bambi DAY =P

SO feeling very happy and confident in my own body, since ever(a year). I went to my dad's for Thanks Giving. We all had a awsome time. I entertained the kids outside while the adults cooked. Though I did help cook(alittle).

When we where outside we found this little kitty family, and I thought awww how sweet. So I brought out a SHIT load of turkey and feed it to them. But there was two little babies so I had to chew up the turkey and feed it to them.(GROSS! Now I know why people don't wana get old). Anywayz I was feeding my favorite one,(it was all white and had blue eyes)I named it snow ball. LOL! =D

Sooo I'm holding her, letting her eat outta my hand and i guess my thumb looked pretty tasty so she bit down and left 4 holes in my fucking thumb. My eyes like popped out. Like NO ONE bites me. And this little shit broke the skin, I was bleeding, and it hurt like a bitch. XP Sooo I guess I'm a turkey meal. =P

You know what I hate most though, about any party or get together..? When it's all over and everyone leaves. I get this weird empty feeling, kinda numb in a way. And I feel kinda depressed. I don't why. I always get like that. It sucks....

Same like when I leave my dad's and go to my mom's. Everyone gets so mad at me because they say I completely change. I don't even notice it. It's almost like an invisible switch inside of me. That's goes on and off as it pleases. And just as I go back my "switch"turns on. I guess you could say it let's me know I'm back to reality... I don't know.. It's weird..

but I guess.......


that's just me..

(P.S- My dad was talking about hunting stuff and was like, yaaay if I woulda caught me a dear we would of been eatin Bambi for thanks giving. I was like no dad, it's turkey day. Hes like to bad Its Bambi day, and Maybe Mama Bambi will join us. I'm just like omg dad....NO!!!! NO MEANS NO!! AHHH STRANGER DANGER......HAHAHAHA) (dumbass) <.<

LOVE OR LUST..??

What is love, and why has the world said only love can be between a man and women. Is this statement true or false. I've searched for this but everyone has there own opion but which one is right..?

When I fell in love with her, and now it's over,..... It's left me with so many questions for my self.
Is there something wrong with me, Am I bi, or do I just like to look at women and say "damn she's fine". Sure I looked but didn't act but with Bri I did act. So then...what about that.. Was it just a one type of thing..or is there still that side there...

It scares me. This subjet. More than anything. Scares me, because I do care what people think, scares me, because I want to marry a man, It scares me, because I dont know exactly what I believe in, and if I'm a christian then does that mean I'll burn in hell for my actions...? And if I wont....does that mean beng bi would be more apllying to me.... >-_-< ahhhh I have no fucking clue.

It makes me want to cry, because I know there is no awnser and in the end...My feeling of being bi will be turned away because like I said...to her.. It was her. Only her..and if not her than no one else. (That's a girl)

I dont know...
Plz comment and tell me what you think....or dont..lol. and be honest. I don't mind.

(By the way this is random but I think guy with guy is sooooo HOT. In japan it's called yoai. ITS THE SEX.) lol xP

Pain Journal...= GAY lol. jk. = AWSOME

Some times I don't know if the worst feeling of all is not knowing or just being cold...numb. Sure nothing bad is happening or you can't feel it anyway..but nothing good is happening either.
I've expericned this alot and I still don't know the answer to this..most likely will never..oh well.

That's how I feel. I feel like nothing to be mad at or sad at but nothing to be happy either. I feel like I'm walking down a dead end road without even knowing it..
How sad right....? I know.

Soo I've started something positive for myself. Since I can't be blogging all day, lol, Ive got a little notebook thing called my pain journal.(not so much a journal but anyway). I take it to school and stuff, and when anything is bothering me I write it down in there, to get my feelings out. =)

Good..? Right I know. I'm a genius. MWHAHAHA. Not really. lol.

Soooo I updated a friends profile His blog is feelings of a teenage boy. Check it out. =DD

HAPPY EARLY THANKS GIVING. =P

Rock it hard core

Getting ready to go the movies with my mom, Tasha(misa), my sis. Where gonna go see New moon. Yaay. I'm just glad to get outta the house. =)

Ohhh Zackie-chan is coming too!!!! It's going to be fun. I can't believe how this day is going soo awsome. I love waking up happy because it's soo rare.

Well talk later. =DD

Plans for Thanksgiving

Soo had counseling today...fun...not. I feel so bad! I was like so tired and I was falling asleep when we where talking. (WTF) God, I'm such a dumbass.Lol...and like I don't even know why I'm so tired. I get about 8 hours of sleep...Werid... XP

I'm in a werid mood right now..I don't even know how to explain it...I don't think I could even if I can....Woow. I'm soo crazy. I get like hyper and werid when I'm tired..AHHH..

Sooo what's everyone doing for thanksgiving..? Comment and Tell me all bout it. I'm going to my mom's little thanks giving thing tomorrow(there doing it early..why? I have no freakin idea) Anyway, that should be nice. Then the hole school gets off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. YAAAAY Im suppose to go to my dads on Wed. come back friday..Fun fun. Sooo tell me what you all are doing. =D

This weekened is going to be a relaxed weekened...or at least I hope so. It's like the first one in ever that I finally said no to every one and stay home.I'm gonna have like a girls night..which it's in the morning soo..night..morning..doesnt make much sense.. ANyway,Where going to see New Moon.I'm not like a abused crazy fan. so before you go thinking that, thats not the case. =) I think it's okay and all. And to be honest I don't think Edward is all that hot, I mean it's not like he's shit ugly. LMFAO!! =D

top blogs

1.Through my eyes LIA IS AWSOME

2. Ty-Ill do tricks for you- AMAZING

3. Life of a teenage girl-misa THE SHIT

These are my top peoples right now. You should all look at em. =P (if ur smart.)

mwhahaha. =DD

Goodbyes

This is the last time I will ever write about her..and how I loved her. Once I post this I will loose all ties from you and finally we both will move on for good...

I love you. I know in my heart that you will always have a place there, but if you can't love me than I must let you go. Because I am not a dog to be dragged around.(I'm not saying she treated me like a dog, lol, just an example)You'll always be my best friend. I won't regret ever loving you, because it was nice..for a change.
It was nice to know that someone thought of me everyday. It was nice hearing her sweet voice whispering, "I love you". It was nice to be treated like I wasn't just another person in the world but the person in the world she choose to care about. I'm honored.... and grateful. We both changed each other in many ways. I found out and saw sides of me not even I had seen.

OUR STORY
Some think it wasn't love, maybe lust but it wasn't that at all. When I talked to her my intentions where all but good. I wanted to help her through her depression because I had just gotten out of mine. And the more we talked, the more I found we where so much alike..Which made me want to help her more.

She fell in love with me, and I told her I couldn't do that because I am straight. She was depressed and sad. And though I didn't feel the same she stayed with me..and she grew out of love with me just as I.....fell in love with her...
And I..was way too late.

There was still alittle dot of hope left. I tryed my hardest. I did anything she said, and I made sure if there was an argument she would win. I never got in her business because I knew if I heard I would just get jealous though when she wanted to talk about it I listened because it was helping her even if it was hurting me.

I could feel nothing happening..and each day I was getting worse. Falling in a dip hole i couldn't dig out...
I told her it was killing me, I couldn't do it she needed to make up her mind because before she was confused and couldn't decide. I couldn't handle it..and yesterday I told her...you must do something...even if it means hurting me..because to be honest I can hardly feel anything...Numb is what it's called...yes numb..such a lovely word...

Anyway, I told her the only way for me to move on is if she shattered the only hope I had left. (Hope...god Why THE FUCK would you ever name a person such a fucking hideous name. I hate it.. I am the least hopeful person and of course I was given that name. I bring such disgrace to it, it's disgusting) I told her she had to say she didn't love me and.....there was no hope at all...She couldn't say it she wouldn't...I begged her too..and finally after alittle crying I said I'll make this fare you tell me 5 good reasons we should be together or 5 reasons there's hope.....
and...

She couldn't think of any... so she said it.."hope, I do not love you, and there is no hope." I held in the tears, and said it's okay. I told her we shouldn't talk.
We said our byes.

And as I hang up I said the one thing I'll miss the most from her saying........


I love you.

I love you too.....Aisuru-chan. T_T

for her

I hate this. Hate having no power, no control over anything. Unable to do anything, but able to feel the effects of everything.

Cry...why?? Whats the point. Getting worked up for nothing only to feel the same pain inside.

I want to hold her..and I want her to believe me when I say it's going to be okay, she doesn't have to be afraid.

I want her to be happy even if it means I'm dieing...And both of us are dieing...I want to save her...Because If I can't make her happy than what worth am I..?
I'm her friend. I'm suppose to help make things better..but I feel all the time I make things worse...

I wonder If she would be better off without me. But I'm too selfish to let her go..I never want to let her go..but one day..she'll see I'm nothing and she'll go..and I'll be glad for her, for she can finally be happy....and I

Me..my purpose will fade away..into the night like a shooting star..along with my heart for her...yes her

She is the only one who loved it..

And I would no longer want it.

Sway-good song

BEAVER

I'm tired right now and I feel like passiing out though it's not like I ran a marathon or anything..ohh well. Damn depression medicine.

Soo Ive been looking at people's blogs lately and I must say there's alot awsome peeps out there. Not that your interrested but my top favs to read are through my eyes(my top one, shes amazing)Life of a teenage girl, Blah, and so far that's my top peeps though I have a feeling I'm going to have alot more.

Anywayz, My brother...is a ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT. Ahhhh oh sweet relief. Good lord he's been pushing my buttons all freakin day. And then just as I start to cool off he decieds to go all bi-polar on my ass. >.<

Grrrrrr He threw a pillow at my head twice then I got up and toke the pillow beat the shit out of him with it and ran out laughing just to PISS HIM OFF. Lol.

ya soooo obviously me and my bro love each other...right I know. XP

Haha.

Friends equal a pain in my ass

I hate it how I can never just truly say how I feel to my best friends. I hate when I get in fights with them and let myselve cower below them as I give in and say sorry or that it's my fault.
I wish I would just say, "you know what FUCK OFF, your suppose to be there for me and help me through drama, not cause it". Ahhhhhh I'm so overheated right now, you could boil an egg on my head. >.<
Well, you probably wondering who stuck a stick up her ass, well I'LL TELL YOU! (LMFAO)
My friend walks in and of course I could tell something was up.(theres always something up, duhhh). She doesn't say anything at first, then she's like, "So I'm going to the library this morning, with or without." So Im like damn here we go again hope.SO I say, "okay I never said we couldn't go.")Then obviously, me irritated I opened up my mouth and said what I felt.(only part of it, she would of shit a brick if I said all of it.) I said, "Why are you such in a shitty mood". Then She says "WE ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU WANT".
I'm like what the hell. If I did what I wanted we wouldn't be in this situation, I would of dropped your no good ass long ago.So I say "no we don't if you wanna go do something than go do it, I dont care, it's not like I'm forcing you to stay." She grabs her bag and then leaves...I was like Bye-bye....lol.

Please comment and tell me if you think what I did was wrong...If not be like HELL YA MAKE THAT BITCH PAY. =DD

''Christmas List for parents"

BOOKS:

Inpulse, Identical, crank, burn

Shooter, Monster

Such a pretty girl

how to draw anime book ( good one)

MOVIES:

Both versions of Romeo and Juliet

pretty women

Interview of a Vampire

Open season 1 and two

Madagascar 2 special edition

OTHER:

Nails done

new ring

drawing board(something like that)

Cell phone

Naruto movie, manga(real one not american version, whihch means you read from left to right)

Inuyasha episodes

Anime posters, and dolls

Bath and body works-moonlight path lotion, japanese cherry blossom

Desk

drawing book, drawing board ( If i get the board i dont need the desk)

Gems. tv- ring from them

Knose pierced

Skinny Jeans

New Jacket (wanna be there to get it though, or show you)

hot topic or rue 21 gift card or something from there

Locket
I'm pretty sure that's it...so if there's more I'll ad more...

GR KATIE DIE

I LOVE reading books!! There so amazing. One day I hope to publish mine. ^-^

Anywayz, I just got done reading shooter. It's a really good book...or at least I thought so. It's about a crime/murder happened with these 3 teenagers. 2boys and 1 girl. It talks about how one of the boys is like freakin crazy, and like kills a boy and wounds like 12 others or something, and anyway, he ends up commeting suicide. Talks about why and how....and stuff like that. =]

But the point I'm trying to make is, when I read a book I get really into it...Like if the situation is sad or depressing, I would get depressed/sad..and like I don't even mean too..I just do. Lol.

Werid, yes I know. >.<

Grr Damn sister just barges inmy room with her boyfriend being loud and turning on all the lights, god it's so fucking annoying. I CANN'T WAIT till she leaves.

Ahhhh I'm gonna end up like that guy in the book killing people. =P sounds like fun if it's my sister.

alieve again

Isn't amazing how such sadness and darkness can take over a persons body for days even years.
And then, that one person they love,the one person they need to bring them to life comes and makes everything better.

I thought I was dieing, No.... I was dieing, dieing inside. And of course I knew only one person could heal me..yes it was the one person who as well broke me. Only she could put back together what she had broke.

And just like the moon shines it's self every night, she showed her self, and we "made up". I didnt care if I had to bow down or what ever. I missed her so much. It just doesn't matter as long as she's there and she cares. =)

Two is better than one. She's my one...

and for once i dont care.

My one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mXK9psBITw

Gay skool

I'm at school right now in the Library. There's nothing better to do during lunch and plus I'll end up just siting in the bathroom waitning for the bell to ring...Soo might as well do something productive.

My next hour is science with Mr. Robertson. I dislike him very much. He doesnt know how to teach at all. I dont know why people like him teach when you know they hate it, and they dont even get paid good...So whats the point...?

Sooo I am about to go and I just want to say.....SKOOL SUCKS! I've slept through almost all of my classes...grr

Want major sleep

I am ABSOLUTLY tired. I feel like I havent slept in years man, and it is only 8:57. Hmmmm thats very odd right...? Wrong. =P

Sooo today was the first day I fininshed all my work at skool and didn't have homework, which was very nice to come home, and not worry about.

Today is my daddy's birthday and I havent called yet...I feel bad I need to. But to be honest I just wanna go to sleep. Grrrr how unfair. can't he have his birthday some other day I'm not tired......(yes I know very selfish) =/

I'm going to call him...just not right at this moment....grr....

See ya next time...with Hope's crazy life. ;P

(coming to theaturs near you.) Haha.

Pain

It hurts so bad...does she feel nothing..? Is she that cold...or does she just not care....?
Either way, it's killing me..

Dieing here

It hurts.. so deep, I fear I can't heal it. Why?

I want to disappear, and I want this pain to end. Want everything to end.

My heart suffers...but will it be put out of it's misery...no of course not. I'm expected to put on that stupid fake smile I left a few months ago when she came.

She became my life...slowly I revolved my everything around her, helping her, guarding her...loving her.

Each day she toke more of me and I gave it willingly..because I thought she was...I don't know..never going to hurt me...I know she didn't mean to but..she did and I'll be honest, I didn't think it possible.

I slowly fell in love with her...my best friend. I knew it was happening i knew the consequences well...but for her I had finally gotten over myself and toke a chance.....I toke a leap...a huge leap.. And I fell. Fell far from earth..to some other planet..Where all I can do is think how I lost her and how it's my fault. It's a world of hurt, pain, depression, and longing.

I'm dieing here...I'm crying here..

Why...I never thought such a simple word could mean so much. Why did this have to happen (because it's you hope) Why did she have to do it now (because she couldn't stand you any longer) Why cant we try ( Because she doesn't want a depressed freak) These are not even half the things that run through my mind. There eating away at me and Starting more tears I thought where dried up.

Forbidden

"I understand now why some things are forbidden, or called a taboo. People set rules and standerds for reasons, and there's always going to be that one person to dare break it.....but that one person doesn't have to be...And when you break rules there's always the consequence...and I have learned and for sure will never mess with a certain taboo again."

Feelings

Feelings should never be taken into consideration. As far as I'm consurned they should be banned from a person's life. They do nothing but cause something worse.

For instince, how a person can love then no longer love, or how a person can hate then love. Feelings always changing and confusing. It drives people mad.

Aisuru as anime

aisuru

Aisuru

SEDUCER

Oh god i feel myself going under.

the Obsession is so beautiful, cant have it but

need it..

will do it because i crave it.

Like it..?

No LOVE it...

want it..?

NEED it..

Live..?

NOT without it....

And each day its growing worse

this all but too disturbing and no one knows it..

I think it may but be a curse.

Like a spell...but I don't believe in fairy tales.

it.

Resist you

"Under a lovers' sky gonna be with you and no one's gonna be around if you think that you won't fall well just wait until til the sun goes down

underneath the starlight - starlight there's a magical feeling - so right it'll steal your heart tonight

you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight no, you can't fight it it's gonna get to your heart

there's no escape from love was a gentle breeze weaves it's spell upon your heart no matter what you think it won't be too long til your in my arms underneath the starlight - starlight we'll be lost in the rhythm - so right feel it steal your heart tonight

you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight no you can't fight it no matter what you do the night is gonna get to you

don't try then you're never win part of me the starlight - starlight there's a magic feeling - so right it will steal your heart tonight you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight no, you can't fight it

you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss but you know don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight no, you can't fight it it's gonna get to your heart "