Thursday, December 10, 2009

tissue

I have to change my medicine again..which of course is very discouraging.>.<

I gave it a few months and another few weeks...Soo it's time to call this one an epic fail.

My life seems to be just staying still but some how turning too...enough to make a person sick. It's like living hell on earth..

I can't find enjoyment in pain or in happieness. nothing. Everything I normally would do is no longer working for some stupid reason.

I drew pictures. Didn't help.
I wrote about it. Made me more depressed.(lol)
I talked about it. Made me mad. >.<
I sang about it. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
I cut myself. Only made more scars that all look the same.

Nothing worked. Normally one of those things WOULD of helped....but nothing has. It seems I cant find comfert in the one things that hurt....but help. How truly sad.

My friends..are so blind they see nothing at all. I feel as though I wear a huge sign on my forhead saying HELP ME!! and yet none of them see it. I don't see how. It's so obvious. Or at least it feel's like it is...
Maybe they do know..but just don't care or do know but are just sick of dealing with me. I don't know and either way...

I don't blame them.

Blame anyone. who decides I'm not worth anything because to be honest..it's true. Once everyone, my family, friends,blogger people relize that then they'll be better off. They can delete me out of there life. And be okay. And It's okay ....because I would.

I'm not something people care about. I just get used all the time. I'm like a tissue. I can serve a good purpose but soon I'll be waisted up and have to much shit on me ..that all that's left is to throw me away into the trash can.

So...with that said. I understand if some of you will stop following me. I would recomend it.

Trust me..your not missing anything.

11 comments:

Through My Eyes said...

you are scaring me Hope....and dont you for one minute think that I will leave you...as long as you blog I WILL be here...I'll read and I'll comment...I'm sticking like glue...I'm hard to get rid of once I start caring about someone...its not easy for me to open up...but I did with you...besides Alley your my closest friend....just when you think no one is there...think of me...because I am
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

I'm sorry if my last comment came off as a little bit demanding...i apologize....its just that i care for you...and I do understand...more than you know...im exactly where you are...but I think if we help eachother we can heal....as you've said before "im beside you holding your hand even if you cant see me"!!....if you ever need to talk i'll be here
*hugs*
all my love and prayers
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

my song to you is
Oh Star by Paramore
listen to the lyrics
they make me think of you
Take Care
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

hey look....i gotta a pic of myself up on my blog....im so proud of myself...*claps*....lol
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

Hope you havent responded to me in like FOREVER....are you okay?
LIA

Ace said...

Hey, I just wanted you to know that I always enjoy the posts on your blog, you give such an insight into your life, something I don't think I am brave enough to do.

Also I always look forwards to your emails! (and have replied to the latest one)

Hope to hear from you soon,

love Matt x

Tyler said...

hope of all the people i think you understand what im going through the most. sending you hugs girl!

Through My Eyes said...

Hope you've seem to have disappeared....you okay?
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

Okay Hope
seriouly....you have two days to respond or.....well I'm going to freak out more if you dont....you havent blogged your not responding to e-mails....not trying to be crazy obessive but its not like you....plz respond
LIA

Through My Eyes said...

HEY!!!!!
I e-mailed you...you should e-mail back...sorry for going all crazy obsessive....but...well I...thought that maybe something happened....anyway e-mail me...
LIA :D

Ace said...

Hey,

Hope you're ok! email me back too please, I miss them ):

lotsalovexxx