I want to be able to be angry. To stay pissed...
But I never can do that. I always forgive and get tricked into feeling bad or being nice.
I wish I didn't care. If I didn't it wouldn't matter about there anger because I would have mine. But It's not in my nature being mean or cruel.
But people..Gah they just irritate the hell out of me. And I get mad for a bit and try with all my might to keep the anger but it always goes away and my heart softens. I kinda wish it would just harden..
I get too emotionally attached to people. Even with family. And I don't like it..cause they always hurt you or let you down...
I get hurt enough..why would I want someone I love doing it....really...?
Speaking of family...What the hell does it mean anyway. Everyone lives in different states, and the ones you do live by, you aren't close enough to be there...What's the point..? They say there there, and will always love you but if that where true....then why don't they call..why don't they come to see you..why don't they send a card. WHY DON'T THEY DO ANYTHING....??
idk..
Don't really care anymore, sick of caring is all I know.
2 comments:
You know, ive had the same feeling before many many many times, im actualy feeling it right now... the feeling you get and that your so mad you want to take a shotgun and say ima gonna shoot you till a 'kingdom come. Lol, you may not feel that way but sometimes i do.. that just shows how much it kills me...hehe anyway i kind of dislike the feeling of your heart softing up and forgiving that person, then you get that great joy in your heart and then everything is fine for the first day.. then it goes downhill...
You know how i said i can predict things and thats its a curse and a gift........wel my birthday is wednsday, i already know whos gonna remmber it and who will accutaly REMMBER not just by some facebook reminder, and who will not say anything at all... why should i care for those who dont even remmber something as important like that, that means a lot to me i will be 15..
Theres always this feeling in my gut that says 'forgive them' im not the person that goes by their gut but i do that thing anyways.
But i dont know why exactly i keep doing it. Christian means 'little christ' and it says in the Bible that we should forgive others becuase God has forgiven them. "Lord forgive them, for the know not what they have done" Luke something something. And more verses. A good one is in 1 Chorinthians
I have a huge care for poeple even for the ones that really hate me. I love(care) all people i dont know why but thats just me. Everytime when it comes to a point where i have a choice to forgive them or not, i always get the picture in my head when Jesus being whiped, slashed on his back bleeding all over the place and then he had to carry the cross on this back and it ended up falling on him becuase loss of blood and dehigration(i suck at spelling i mean dying of thirst) and climbing that hill. He did all that for us because he cared for us and that we could have enternal life by giving up his life for us. Thats a lot of care and love. Think about how God feels when we sin and stray away from him and then we come back to Him like nothing happend but he forgives us no matter hpw much pain we cause him. Such as today i had to go the chriopractor we got there and waited about 5mins and the nurse calls me into room 1. i was thinkn wow this was fast. i go in there(i was suprised that nor my mom or dad went with me yay) i sit there in the chair...waiting...and waiting..and waiting and a lot more waiting and some more waiting. It had been 30mins COUNTING and im getting reallly really pissed off cause i hate to wait more than 5min. another 10mins go by and he finnaly comes in i stand up out if the chiar extremly pissed he turns around and looks at me and says" Sorry for the long wait mr. zack i didnt meant to keep you waiting its been rahter busy today and overbooked, sorry" in 2 secs i respond with a handshake and said its alright. in those 2 secs that image i spoke of came into my head.
Ya this is just my thoughts sorry it was so long. I know how you feel dont think i dont, it really hurts when people do that stuff like that. Just sharing my thoughts. I hope everything gets better with whatever happend im not going to ask what thats your bussenies. anyway love ya night and all that oh and one more thing. THIS IS SPARTA!!lol :P
wow...Zack.
You've grown up without me even knowing. You always seem to baffle me. It's crazy though...I some times wonder who is really older...me or you..? I always joke around and call you bebe..but sometimes I wonder If I'm hiding up the real bebe....me.
I never wanted to think for a second you could be smarter than me..well because you where home schooled...and I held that against you because I was very bitter about it..about you having to be home school...It made me so mad. I thought you being in a school like mine would do You good....But I was wrong.
I was the one who needed to be home schooled..to be doing what you where..
I'm jealous of you...and I admire you. You've changed a lot...and I can finally get over myself and my pride to admit to you..that you've changed all right...but for the better...
I'm very proud of you. You've become more of man than I've become of a women..(Don't you dare disagree. Its true, and even I can admit to the truth so don't go and be noble.)
And don't you EVER apologize for writing a long comment. Those are the comments I admire and adore most. To be honest..there the first ones I read.
I like hearing you talk about your life and things you've been through so don't worry. I find them interesting and cunning. ;]
And I don't mind telling you what happened. I was upset with a family argument. My banna and aunt Michelle got into it with Katie and I was very upset. I wanted to stay mad...but I couldn't..they haven't done anything to me personally to hate them .....so...I couldn't stay mad.
It was very frustrating for me.
One thing I can not ignore..is we are so much alike...^^
Not many think or write like me..but I think I may have found my match or "Maker". Lol. It's very intriguing.
Love you ohh and,
SPARTA.XD
Hope-
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