I'm with my two best friends....and yet
I still feel depressed.
Its cruel..and unfair...I should be happy
and yet I feel so fucking down and sad. >.<
I..
I kinda want to cry..
My heart aches.. and I feel so dumb and pathetic...
Why..
why
must
I
Feel
This
Way..
3 comments:
It sounds like you really got something really heavy on you. Its worse if you dont know what it is. i felt that way when i was on the mission trip i was depressed and didnt know why. I actually went to bed crying. Well not all out crying like sevral small tears run down your face. I just thought pretending nothing was wrong and just ignoring would work. Nope it didnt, i think i went 3 nights going to bed depressed.
Throught out the week the sceduhle was the same excwept for wednsday night. What was differnt was at 10 to 11 we had what was called prayer service. i thought this would be no differnt than just having a quiet time of prayer by yourself. Nope. We got back to the building or dorm or whatever you want to call it its where we slept. Anyway when we got back to the dorm from VBS and in the main room or dinning area all the tables were pushed to the side and there were 16 chairs placed in the middle of them room in a circle. My mind is wondeing what heck is going on, i conintue to walk through the room and the some of the interns are watching us just walk through the room i wanted to know what they were up to but i couldnt really find out on my own. i didnt have enough time to find out we were suposed to go straight to our rooms to settle down and make phone calls and get ready for dinner. The person in charge, Clay, told all of us to come to the main room he told us to sit down in those chairs. We all picked our spots i sat in between my cousin mikie and Jesse Ruark (do you know him jw). So Clay comes in and he sits down he says this maybe out of your comfort zone but doing this will help you. We will go one at a time and one of you will tell us what you want us to pray for, for you. Dont worry about if everyone is queit and nobody says something that just means that God is speaking to them. If there is something you need to get off your chest and you want people to pray for you now is the perfect time. He said that when we talk about something that is a hard burden on us this would be the perfect time and the safest place to do it and when you let it out your letting the negative(dark) energy out of you and exposing it to the light and that negative energy has no where to go and it dies. I thought it was a good idea but when he brought this up i was a bit stubourn about it cause it almost sounds like what catholics do 'confession time'
A few mins go by and someone finnaly says something. It wasnt a big thing but i wont say it wasnt serious thing. I notice a pattern in everyones behavior. Everything and everyone started out small and shy, its natural but when people become less shy they start asking them to pray for the really BIG things and things started to get emotional. I wasnt suprised on how things were moving along and more serious stuff came out. Now we are sitting there waiting for someone to come up. I never thought id do it but i did i got up infront of everyone and asked them to pray for me. Before i did that God had spoke to me and told me why i was upset and everything beccame clear. Ive been looking for what was wrong and i couldnt of done it on my own and that He was the only one that could show me and He made perfect timing. I said all i needed to say and i felt overjoyed and happy again! Then i sat back down and let other people go. (after we asked them to pray for u we would stand in the middle and everyone stand with you and put there hand on you and began to pray for you) After a while everything got really emotional(thats a good thing it may not look like it but it is) and began to cry some people some of the people i would never expect them did, that showed me that 1 its working. 2 this really something that we needed to do. 3 God is really working through us.
I even tried not to cry i could feel it but i didnt want to cry and held it in. I went up there 2 more times and after that i felt great!! I was so happy i had everything that was on my mind gone! The next day some the came and talked to me and asked me if we should do that at our church. They said they enjoyed it very much and like to do it again cause the liked the feeling if Satan off their shoulders. I said i will talk to the youth leaders. Another benefit that came out of it was everyone got to know each other and got to see other sides of people and everyone became like a family. It was a great experince too. I went up to Clay and told him thank you.
This is just it reminded me of when i read your blog. If there is something bothering you like i talked about i recommend you do this it really helps. After doing it it feels like you just moved a mountian:D if you have any questions just ask me
I hope this helped in some way
(
Ive been meaning to put up a blog on the last thing i asked them to pray for me it will be a very LONG blog though. And i dont feel like doing it right now i will need a lot of time in order to do it. Its a very serious thing and... very scary. Ive kind atold you about it before but more happend just a few weeks ago. Dont pee yourself when you read it lol jk :P)
-Zack
lmao. Dont worry aabout it.
I enjoyed reading it very much soo. I use to do that all the time espcially when I was younger..my grandma made me do it..it always scared it, but now I understand it.
I just hate feeling like this.
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